btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
