I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
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in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
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And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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