im drinking this country out of the recession.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
