My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
