Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
