Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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