I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize