my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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