Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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