If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize