Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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