My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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