this beer tastes like vomit already
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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