i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
