Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
