How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
