i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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