4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
