My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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