i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
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The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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