I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
