Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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