You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She bit a glass in half.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
