So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
