I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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