I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
