All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
