i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
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Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
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On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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