Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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