its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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