You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
