"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
