I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
