shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ttyl tear gas
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
