What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
