I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
