how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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