I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
