My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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