so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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