Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
