That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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