I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
