I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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