I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
