I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
