dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
