How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize