Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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