ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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