I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
