Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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