so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm always down for nudity.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
