I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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