he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
