grandma shit on top of the toilet
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
