It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
