Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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