JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
