When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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