honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
