i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
