I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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