I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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