i think i have two assholes
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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