a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
