So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
