We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
