I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
