I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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