Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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