whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
