i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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