Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
