it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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