the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize