a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
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I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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