did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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